By no means are relationships easy. There can be many changes with relationships, such as: Communication, time, sharing, money, and much more. All relationships are different. Can you remember the first and last person you were in a relationship with? I want you to think about what went well in each relationship and what did not go so well. If you are currently in a relationship, I want you to compare and contrast your current relationship with your last relationship. We are continuously growing and developing our relationships with each other, each day. Gaps in between relationships allow us to analyze the role we played in the break up or make up of the relationship.
To be honest, some people jump head
first into a relationship not always evaluating the ramifications of certain
actions. Jumping head first can be ok as long as the other person you are
jumping for is also jumping. People are not always on the same wave length when
it comes to relationships unless a discussion takes place regarding what is
expected. At times people’s expectations of the relationship can lead to total
chaos because of expecting too much or expecting too little. What I suggest to you is that you talk with your significant other about what is expected so you know what and what not to expect.
Make sure you are making fun a priority with your significant other. Relationships are about
having fun, living in the moment, and experiencing new things. You have to make
sure your mind is open to receive new information and also give information. In
my eyes, the learning part is always the best part of the relationship because it’s
like being blind and feeling your way around the world until things start
making sense. Continue making sense of things by having fun.
Giving your all is good, but make sure you are not the only one doing it. When
I think about giving and relationships, I think about couples implementing the
give-and-take method rather than the take-and-take or give-and-give method.
People have to feel as though they are a valuable part of the relationship and
not that the relationship is built on what someone else can do for a person or
what a person can do for another person. They want to have the same amount
of control in the relationship because it is about two people, not just one
person.
A good question you
have to ask yourself is, are you willing to do things for your significant other
that you are not willing to do for yourself? You should ask yourself this
question before it even becomes a topic and know the answer because believe me,
you will be faced with this issue. I remember when I was in school to get my
masters, I was dating this young man who I really cared for. I truly loved him
and would do (Almost) anything to
make sure he was happy. Well, everything except devalue my character, get into
financial ruin, or do anything cruel and demeaning. One night, my significant
other was suffering from a toothache. Me being the person that I was, stayed up
all night rubbing the side of his face to make sure he felt better. The interesting
part about this situation was when I needed something such as a back rub from
working three jobs or just a nice relaxing bath ran, my significant other
refused to assist me. “Ain’t that about nothing.” Where are people at when you
really need them? His actions allowed me to start taking a thorough evaluation
of the situation and start putting my needs sometimes before other people's. Of course
there are going to be situations in which you will have to put another person
first; however if people have yet to put you first in your relationship, why
should you continue to put them first?
My last tidbit of
information is regarding relationships and money. Most of us know that
money can be the very reason why people fight and break up. My motto is “I am
not willing to do something for someone else that I would not very well willing
to do for myself.” This is in regards to taking out a financial loan,
co-signing for a car, or any other unruly thing that a person may ask you to
do. I am all for empowering others to make good financial decisions to increase
their profit and know exactly where their money is going. This could be through
the use of a budget, financial consultant, and other methods to increase a
person’s financial literacy. People should be open to assisting others with a
$50 or $100 loan every now and then; however when it comes to depleting your
emergency fund or placing you in a situation that could have a negative impact
on your finances, you may want to think twice. It’s definitely ok to help
others. You just have to make sure you are in a position to help others because
you may actually be the person who needs assistance. To be quite honest, I did
not always think this way. I was the one who would go to a check cashing place
to take out a loan for others. Well, that was until one day I took out the loan
and the person did not pay me back when he was supposed to do so. I was already
having financial issues of my own, so I could not pay the loan back myself. His
$100 loan cost me more than he actually paid me back for the loan. When he did repay me, I was just so happy to receive the money back that I did not ask for any additional money for the charges of not returning the loan back on time. From
that point on I developed the lovely motto that you see above. It was only
right for me to protect myself because if I did not protect myself then who would?
~Remember to live life for yourself and not through the eyes
of other people. Your love will blossom, endure, and transform.
“I can’t help bein’ depressed When I look down at my chest
Oh yes my chest it might as well be non-existent
How can I ever compete
With 34 DDs
And I’m rolling my eyes
When I look down at my thighs
They might as well take everything that I eat
To my legs”
Elle Varner sings this catch tune about being insecure with her body
type.She even goes as far as saying
that if she was minus the “cellulite with big breast and pockets full of money,
she would be so fly.”After those
comments and looking at a few of Elle Varner’s pictures, you can’t help but
wonder where all of this is coming from.Well as teenagers and young adults, many of us have imagined the same
thoughts, spoke the same words, and believed the same fallacies.If only we could pick and choose our body
type, hand select our facial features, and look in the mirror and see a
beautiful young woman or man standing before us.
Elle continues the song by saying:
“Now listen
I got a beautiful soul
But only four people know
They’ve known me since I was ten
Beauty did not matter then
Now in my 20s
All that matters
Is sex, cars, and money
I ain’t got none of the three
So basically I’m invisible to all of the fellas”
I viewed the second portion of the song as Elle still being concerned
with what others thought beauty should be and living by the defined standards
of society.The defined standards of
society does not always lead to a continued path down the same road, sometimes
people follow that road in order to define their own standards.Elle shows exactly this in the next portion
of the song, which states:
“So basically all I need
Is to be everything but me
Colored contacts
Liposuction
And some Implants
Somehow that don’t make much sense
I must be out of my head
If I think
That I am governed by material things”
In the last portion of the song, Elle defines her own definition of fly
and states “don’t go believin’ the hype.There’s no runway in the sky.And
no way you can be fly.Not if it costs
you a dime.” I absolutely love this song. I liked the way it transitioned to from I'm not fly to I'm going to create my own definition of fly.
