Thursday, August 23, 2012

Is Being the Youngest of the Family Getting in the Way of How People Perceive You?

If I had the opportunity of gaining a dollar every time someone stated, “I can’t stand the youngest of the family,” I would probably be paid nothing less than $1,000.  As an adolescent, I definitely heard that statement more than I could count.  The difference between now and then is that now I am aware that emotions tend to play an important role in these comments, which makes you think that there has to be some truth to the matter.  In order for us to address this concern, we have to be open and honest with ourselves and each other.  I want you to take the next few moments and ask yourself these questions: Am I the youngest of the family or do I have a younger sibling?  Am I or my sibling treated a certain way by my family?  Is there a difference in treatment of my siblings and myself?  After you have contemplated those questions for a while, I want you to think about your answers as we progress through this article.

Recently, I was told by a co-worker that she could not believe that I was the youngest of my siblings.  She told me that I did not act as a typical younger sibling.  I immediately thought “people’s opinions of  the younger sibling must be universal.  Why is this?  And what was the particular way that younger siblings acted?”  I ultimately knew the answers to my own questions because I had dealt with them earlier on in life. 
You have to know that being the youngest of the family is not an easy job because people do perceive the youngest to act in a certain manner.  Honestly, it’s not like “The baby of the family” wakes up each morning and say “I’m going to act in a manner to distinguish myself as the younger sibling of the family.”  Sometimes our actions are attention seeking.  We were the last of mom and dad’s kids, so we sometimes seek attention because we were use to having the spotlight.  It can also be said that some of us had no immediate responsibilities to take care of, such as taking care of a younger sibling, being the bigger brother or sister, or anything else that came with protecting someone we loved.  While older brothers and sisters learned this incredible skill early on, younger siblings had to find other ways to gain the skill. 
At times, our understanding of the statement “The world doesn’t revolve around you,” does not really hit home until we are older adults.  This is sad, but often true.  Take reality star, Tamar Braxton for example.  She is the youngest of six children born to Evelyn Braxton and Michael Braxton, Sr.  As the show displays, Tamar can be a little domineering at times.  In previous episodes, her personality rubbed her sisters the wrong way because of her comments and actions.  Although some of Tamar’s actions and comments were irrational, I could definitely relate to her.  I could relate to her emotionality, her feeling of having to always defend herself from her older siblings, and being misunderstood.  See, previously I was the same way.  I remember in my early twenties, I often felt misunderstood.  I had sisters, but no one to talk to.  A mouth, but no one to hear me.  A purpose, but no one to understand me.  I felt as though I was all alone with no one to take up for me when accusations were made against me.  Who would stand by me and show me that it would be ok?  Me, that’s who! 
Finally in my late twenties, I started to live for myself and no one else.  This is when many doors opened up to me in the form of relationships, friendships, and a feeling inside of me that it was ok to be me.  I felt more comfortable in myself, doubted myself less, and knew where I was going.  I honestly believe that when I found comfort in myself, others started to see the same comfort that radiated inside of me.  It was like my hands had been unbound, feet unshackled, and mind liberated.  See, I was a hostage within my own home because like my co-worker who believed the youngest sibling acted in a particular way, I believed I was treated in a particular way.  That notion is what kept me from progressing toward my purpose.  I can say that I longer feel that way because I do not want to be in the business of making thoughts reality.  I conclude by saying that as a child, I was spoiled and a bit selfish.  Do you think if I was presented with the opportunity to change who I was as a child, I would do it?  Not at all!  I truly believe that we all go through certain things in life because we are being prepared to embark upon like experiences.  My knowledge of my past choices and activities could very well help shape someone else’s life.  While I am unable to change my sisters’ previous thoughts about me, I am able to change their future thoughts.  We definitely have much better relationships than when I was younger, which I attribute to the shift in understanding each other as we grew up and became women.  We now have experienced life a little bit more and have something to share with each other.  I must say that I love these women!

~ I choose the liberated and often conscious mind

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Alumni Author of the Month at Otterbein University

Good evening everyone.  I wanted to share this joyous occassion with you.  I am currently the Alumni Author of the Month at Otterbein University.  Please make sure you stop by the school and check it out.  I am planning on visiting the site very soon.  Be check to keep update on when I will be there.  Check out more information on the facebook page for Otterbein Courtright Memorial Library.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

What a Man Wants? What a Man Needs?

What do men really want in a woman?  Well, the verdict is in and ready to be discussed.  In a recent focus group, I met with men between the ages of 30 to 40 years of age.  These men stated that they were looking for someone they call a “Real Woman.”  Ms. Real Woman is smart, can engage in various intellectual conversations, listens, cares about her significant other, and most of all, she acts like a woman. 

Men stress the importance of relationships being give and take and their need of being treated like a king.  Men are willing to give to the relationship; however giving has to be reciprocated from the woman.  A close friend of mine once told me that “Women want to be treated like queens; however in the same instance, they have to be willing to treat their boyfriends or husbands like kings.  It’s only fair.”  Men definitely want equality in the relationship and at the same time the opportunity to take his place as being the protector of the family.  They believe that each sex plays a vital role in the family, whether it is being a protector or the rock of the family.
Finding Ms. Right for men has not been easy because they face the same struggles that women face when looking for Mr. Right.  One individual told me that “I don’t care about my mate being pretty; I care more about her inner beauty, intelligence, and our connection.”  Men also stressed that there’s no one person that was made for them.  They stated that if a woman has some of the qualities they want, they are willing to put more interest in her by helping her develop various skills to make her Mrs. Wife. 
Men want the same things in life that women want, such as the American Dream.  The American Dream consists of having a family, home, job, and other necessities to make life much better.  One friend told me that “No one wants to be alone for the rest of his or her life.  Everyone generally arrives at a stage in life when they need and or want to have a partner.”  I was also told that men and women are constantly looking toward the future and want various pleasures in life that consists of: Marriage, children, and a stable household.     
In conclusion, men want women to listen, be patient, relinquish some of the power and control, and have intellectual conversations.  Is that too much to ask for?  Not at all.  Do you agree?

Friday, August 3, 2012

Broken Dreams and Lessons

Broken dreams
Tattered souls
Reflection in eyes
Of hardship untold

Long days and nights
Ease the pain
Relieves the stress
From the often insane

Things have to get better
They can’t get any worse
I put the worse aside
And tucked it in my purse

See worse use to challenge me
And hit me when I was down
It even grabbed a Louieville Slugger
And beat my head straight to the ground

I finally said no more
And pleasantly got up
Because I truly knew
When enough was enough

See repeating a lesson
I don’t have that to do
Learning from the lesson
Was what I have to do

Now, you can go through life
Keeping doing the same thing
But when you learn the lesson
Is when you ears will ring

More opportunities will be waiting
For you to continue your stride
Just know where you’re going
And when to get off the ride!