Persnickety

Today while sitting in the café area of a well-known grocery store, I overheard two women talking. One woman stated, “Right now I am single and I am enjoying myself. There’s been a lot of spiritual growth and getting to know myself lately.” I could not concur with her more. I agree with her because I truly believe that before you can be in a relationship with anyone, you have to understand your wants, needs, and desires. The best way to understand yourself is by being by yourself for an extended amount of time.

In 2006, I entered into a two year relationship. My prior relationship record was not good because I could not seem to make it past the three month relationship mark. I was definitely going to give this relationship a chance because I had to make sure it could be done. Well, by the third month, I was ready to throw in the towel. This guy was too needy and seemed to have a continuous altering mood; he needed me to walk him through things I considered simple, perform those simple tasks for him and want for the relationship seemed to change depending on if he was working or laid off. I found myself being concerned with this individual more than I was concerned for my own well-being. Within those two years, I had broken up with him at least three times and had considered breaking up with him on a constant basis. What always brought us back together was the fact that I felt bad for him, when I really should have just considered my feelings in the relationship. The feelings that I held for this individual were definitely not being reciprocated; I was often the one providing for us, even when he had a job and I moved forward in the relationship with the perception that the word team included both of us.

My two year relationship made me take a few steps back, so I could re-evaluate the situation. I asked myself a few questions: What was the relationship doing for me? Was the relationship helping me grow? Could I see myself with this individual in the future? Was our relationship built on a foundation of trust and loyalty? And what was I getting out of the relationship? After answering no or nothing to practically all of those questions, I knew it was time for me to get to know myself a bit more and determine my likes and dislikes. I ended my two years of blissful misery and started my four year journey toward getting to know myself. It was such an experience because I started to identify things I liked in myself and things I wanted in a mate. While many of my friends and family found me to be picky, I thought to myself, “Why not? Why not be picky?” I think I definitely deserved to be picky, especially where I was headed. I needed someone that could accompany me on my journey and who could easily fit into my life without all the complications that I was accustomed to. I wanted to be able to have an in depth conversation with that person and be able to talk about life, love, and even politics. I wanted the information he possessed to be fact-based and not emotional-based. I wanted his words to be true and I did not have to determine if he was telling a lie. Is that too much to ask for?

~I'm worth the time it takes to make good choices. Are you?