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Relationships: Can You Sustain a Healthy Relationship with Your Ex?

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When you think about relationships, do you think of a life filled with Exs? If you are some people then this answer is yes, but some people do not believe that you can carry a healthy relationship with your ex, especially if you broke up due to detrimental factors.

My answer regarding carrying on a relationship with an ex  is that it can be done; however you have to be very honest with the current person you are in relationship with so no one gets hurt. When I talk about hurt, I am not just talking about hurt emotional, but physically too. If your previous relationship was a very violent one where you had to get a restraining order against the person, it is only fair that you are up front with the current person you are in a relationship with so he or she will have a choice in the matter whether or not to stay with you. What some people fail to realize is that harmful situations tend to happen when the other person is hiding information from the other person, secretly carrying on a current relationship with their ex, or misrepresenting information that could harm someone.

In my current findings, I have found that some people tend to complain heavily about their ex when they are still emotionally attached to the person. It is like they have yet to move away from the hurt that the person caused them in the past that they bring that same emotion into their future relationships. Although these people complain about their exs, they will follow them on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and other social media websites. So in reality, it's like their mouth speaks false hope because their actions are not aligning with what they are saying.

I have an acquaintance who told me a couple of years ago that her ex was very violent, irresponsible, and just detrimental to the health of their relationship. The individual was so violent that my friend had to get a restraining order against him. The unbelievable part regarding my friend was that she sustained a relationship with her ex by talking to him on the telephone, following him on Instagram, Facebook, and other websites.

I honestly do not understand the reason for her to maintain such a relationship that she still considers detrimental to her health, especially when she is currently involved with someone else. Either she is in denial of still loving this person or maybe she has exaggerated the truth just a wee bit. I am definitely not telling her who she can and cannot associate herself with, I just don't want innocent people to get hurt because of her current choices. The fact of the matter is that my acquaintance still cares about this individual the way she keeps discussing the person and giving the person all her energy. My acquaintance needs to be true to herself. If she still wants to be with the individual, just be open, honest, and let your current boyfriend know about the situation. It is only fair to him so he will know where he stands.

~Relationships are about honestly, not the misrepresentation of the truth. Start living in your truth.

Love Expectations: Speaking from Experience

To love...

In the beginning
In the beginning of relationships, we as women and men have to acknowledge that we sometimes expect too much. Sometimes our expectations get in the way of true happiness. Our expectations have the ability of blinding us from what truly lies in front of us. I for one want to let down my guard and allow true happiness to knock at my front door and fill my house with love. That’s right folks. I said “Love.” Tell me this, what type of life would we live without someone to love, someone to hold, and someone who we could be ourselves around and he or she appreciate this? We are in a state of denial if we think that this type of stuff does not matter. Love matters.

My previous expectations:

In being inexperienced with love in my mid-twenties, I expected too much from love. I expected love to be honest and considerate, open doors, have no or one kid, be monogamous, only make me smile, and be available anytime I needed it. Some of my expectations were good things to expect; however the others were way out of line. The truth of the matter is that love could not live up to my expectations because love was not built to abide by a set of rules. A few years ago, I had a conversation with one of my male acquaintances about dating and love. He told me that he was going to aim low when dating because the females at his college expected too much from him. He stated that these young women at his school wanted him to buy them things, take then out to dinner, and spend money on them that he did not have. This young man stated that if he aimed lower, maybe he could find a female who did not expect so much from him. In taking in the information that I had just received, I could believe what I was being told. I am definitely not saying that all females are this way; however I could definitely relate to what he was stating. 

What I have learned though living:

Love taught me so much over the years. One thing I have learned is that what I expect from love is not always what I am going to get from love. I am definitely not in control over love and how it should work. I vowed to live my life “As is” and let love show me the direction it will take me.

To the person who showed me how to let my guard down: Thanks love!   

~Have you checked-in your expectations today?

Free Copy of Poetic Outlets

Have you read my book of poetry titled "Poetic Outlets?" This book is about love, life, relationships and the things that keep us emotionally engaged with each other. Come be emotionally engaged with me.

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Lava Filled Capsule

So just under an hour ago, I sat here thinking about love. See love has always been here, but not always reciprocated at its highest ability by those I dated or those I cared for. In the past, I was always seen as the one who recognized my love for another first, whether it was a relationship or a friendship. You can say that this is also a present concern; however I will not say concern because I was made this way for a reason. I was made to love. Built to share my true feelings for those around. Placed on this planet to radiate the love in my bones that is bound to seep through my lips and to attach to the earlobe of the one I love. So friends, family, and loved ones, this is my, "Lava Filled Capsule."

Passion and love burns inside of me

For a love and caress that is only known by me

Recognize it

To a T

If I must

Loyal

Compassionate

With a sweet hint of trust

My body aches

For the one who is like I

Emotions on the table

And nose open wide

These emotions hold tight

To this lava filled capsule

This is not a test

A public service announcement

But something that is factual

I say with great emotion

My heart has been set for devotion

This path I will not stray

Because love will be here

Any day 

Persnickety

Today while sitting in the café area of a well-known grocery store, I overheard two women talking. One woman stated, “Right now I am single and I am enjoying myself. There’s been a lot of spiritual growth and getting to know myself lately.” I could not concur with her more. I agree with her because I truly believe that before you can be in a relationship with anyone, you have to understand your wants, needs, and desires. The best way to understand yourself is by being by yourself for an extended amount of time.

In 2006, I entered into a two year relationship. My prior relationship record was not good because I could not seem to make it past the three month relationship mark. I was definitely going to give this relationship a chance because I had to make sure it could be done. Well, by the third month, I was ready to throw in the towel. This guy was too needy and seemed to have a continuous altering mood; he needed me to walk him through things I considered simple, perform those simple tasks for him and want for the relationship seemed to change depending on if he was working or laid off. I found myself being concerned with this individual more than I was concerned for my own well-being. Within those two years, I had broken up with him at least three times and had considered breaking up with him on a constant basis. What always brought us back together was the fact that I felt bad for him, when I really should have just considered my feelings in the relationship. The feelings that I held for this individual were definitely not being reciprocated; I was often the one providing for us, even when he had a job and I moved forward in the relationship with the perception that the word team included both of us.

My two year relationship made me take a few steps back, so I could re-evaluate the situation. I asked myself a few questions: What was the relationship doing for me? Was the relationship helping me grow? Could I see myself with this individual in the future? Was our relationship built on a foundation of trust and loyalty? And what was I getting out of the relationship? After answering no or nothing to practically all of those questions, I knew it was time for me to get to know myself a bit more and determine my likes and dislikes. I ended my two years of blissful misery and started my four year journey toward getting to know myself. It was such an experience because I started to identify things I liked in myself and things I wanted in a mate. While many of my friends and family found me to be picky, I thought to myself, “Why not? Why not be picky?” I think I definitely deserved to be picky, especially where I was headed. I needed someone that could accompany me on my journey and who could easily fit into my life without all the complications that I was accustomed to. I wanted to be able to have an in depth conversation with that person and be able to talk about life, love, and even politics. I wanted the information he possessed to be fact-based and not emotional-based. I wanted his words to be true and I did not have to determine if he was telling a lie. Is that too much to ask for?

~I'm worth the time it takes to make good choices. Are you?

What a Girl Wants: What a Girl Needs!

Understanding the female perspective is really not as hard as some have deemed it to be.  Listening to her, as she listens to you, is the key componet to understanding her.  Listening entails allowing her time to talk, rephrasing what was stated, making eye contact, and showing some sign of understanding to the discussion.  Now, there are going to be times times that you don't understand what she is talking about.  This is when you should tell her that you don't understand.  I know she will appreciate your honesty.  Below, I will review some things that women want and what they need.  Please note that not all women want the same things.  This list was compiled from my conversations with men and women over the past three years.

Honesty is one of the ingredients for any successful relationship, friendship, partnership, or any other type of communicative effort.  It makes the person feel valued and worthy of such a relationship.  In the past, some male acquaintances have told me in open dialogue that "women cannot handle the truth."  Well, I'm here to say that women can handle the truth because the truth is much better than a lie.  The truth may hurt in the beginning, but a lie will hurt even worse.  So if you have something you need to get off of your chest, tell her.

Entering and maintaining relationships with someone who is goal-oriented and attempts their goals is a must.   Recently, I was among a group of male friends who have always been upfront with me about their feelings and the differences between men and women.  The group of men, who were high school and/or college educated, agreed to the same thing; women want more for their lives than men and that men are content with their current lives.  This statement seemed to be true because a friend of mine recently disclosed information to me about wanting her boyfriend to be more goal-oriented and want more for his life.  I honestly believe that wanting more out of your life really depends on the person because I have been around men that have wanted more out of their lives than some women did.  If the woman finds the scenario above to be true in her case, she and her significant should discuss if the relationship is worth pursuing.  The relationship may work for some; however not work for others.

Have you ever been in love with someone and the feelings just were not reciprocated?  I am sure a number of us have felt this way either this month, last month, or the last couple of years ago.  In my evaluations and discussions with men and women, I have noticed that women tend to fall for a guy in the beginning of a relationship.  She sometimes gives her all in the beginning because anything less would be uncanny.  In comparison with women, men tend to take longer to divulge his feelings to a women.  In this type of situation, I say that each individual has to give a little.  The man may tell the women to be patient; however he too should learn how to disclose some of his feelings earlier on, so it is a win-win situation.   

Women need to be in a relationship with no double standards.  How many of you men can honestly say that you did not want your woman hanging around male friends; however it was ok for you to hang around female friends?  Do you honestly think that was fair?  Some of my male friends told me that they like it that way because they know how men are and some women are naive.  Could the same be said for women and could some men be naive?  I would say the same goes for both men and women.  We are all tempted by some of the same things and react in a similar way.  A good dose of trust is needed in this situation.

The last thing that women need is time to focus on her.  Women like to be pampered, spoiled, and thought highly of.  Why not take her on an all expense paid trip to Montego Bay?  Ok, I may be pushing the enevelop a bit, but if you can afford it, why not?  If you can't, then take her out to dinner and to a movie.  Let her relax without having to pick up the tab.  Let her have quiet time for her thoughts and be able to focus solely on herself.  Take her shopping or to one of her favorite places.  You will know exactly where to take her because you have invested enough time in her to know these things.

Poetic Outlets and Dead Wrong

Get your very own copies of Poetic Outlets and Dead Wrong today.  Poetic Outlets, will take you on an emotional rollercoster and poetically enter your spirit, which will definitely release emotions that have longed to be set free. You will hear and feel the presence of my soul, as I take you on a journey to unwavering passion and commitment.  Dead Wrong is about a young lady who falls in love for all the wrong reasons. She will soon come to grips with her decision of love with the threat of death being held over her head for it. The main character fantasizes about loves, socializes with friends, and flirts with death.

Poetic Outlets is also available on Kindle!

Love was Supposed to be Everlasting

Love was Supposed to be Everlasting
The Male and Female Interpretation of Love

This work of art is dedicated to individuals who have been,are, or want to be in love. Open your heart to new experiences. Cherish what you have at this moment and open your mind to break the barriers that are hindering you from loving another.

Special Thanks to those who made this work of art possible: Kareem, Lionel, Victoria, Branden, Shenita, Caressa, and others involved in this discussion.


Ch. 1

What is Love?

Love was supposed to be everlasting. Love was supposed to stand the test of time. It was supposed to wrap it self around me and protect me. It was supposed to provide for me, support, take care of, and most of all love me. Love was supposed to show me a different side of the world that I had never seen. I have come to the conclusion that love is not always how you want it to be. I wanted love to listen to me and not be jealous or dictate. I wanted love to only view my beautifulness and not that of others. I wanted love to be considerate and not insensitive. Love was everything that made me feel insecure. It made me sensitive. It made me lose myself in it, for I did not know how to adjust to it.

Love made me think and feel in a way that I thought was impossible, for I was a woman of great strength and inspiration. I was confident. I was a woman who knew what she wanted in life and knew how to get it. Love did everything in its power to make me feel insecure because love itself was insecure. It beat me up and made me feel devalued. It was funny how love could make me feel unappreciated because love did not appreciate itself.

-True Meaning of Love
Love means safety, unity, and caring. Safety is a sense of security. It is a feeling of support. A feeling that you are protected from anything that is bad. Unity is a sense of oneness. Most of the time, it knows exactly how a loved one is feeling and tries whatever it can to keep the feelings happy. Love is caring. It thinks before it react or make decisions.

It is non-judgmental. It listens. It evaluates. It identifies the good things as well as the bad. It will not discourage you or make you feel less of a man or woman.
Love is knowledge. It is the growth and development of the mind and soul. It unites two bodies to be one mind, one soul. It accepts the responsibility of educating those who may not know what love should be. Love is not selfish. There is no I in love. It takes 2 bodies, 2 minds, and makes one connection. It is considerate about others time, for it knows life is short. It does not put the entire burden of affairs on one individual, but shares the responsibility. Love radiates affectionate waves that are felt and seen by those it comes into contact. Love does not cover itself up and hide or sink into its seat. It does not wonder what others think about it. Love has an aura of self assurance. It knows and shows the meaning of true love with each and every person it meets. Confidence is what love is because it knows what it is, what it has, and what it could be.


Chapter 1
Chapters 2-13 coming soon