The Good Old Days: Have We Progressed Too Much?

A couple of years ago, I had a conversation with a couple of my male acquaintances. One of my acquaintances was a little perturbed about the current role of women. He stated that something needed to change because he was not happy with women’s newly found power. He stated that he wanted everything to go back to how it used to be. My first question was whose perspective would you like to revisit? Are you revisiting the male’s or the female’s perspective? Each gender’s role was different during that time of building and planning for the future, so the perspectives may be a little different. Individuals’ upbringing also had the ability to change how people perceive things.

A good example of this was my past conversations with residents at a popular nursing home in Columbus, Ohio. The residents enlightened me about the way things were in the past. The women discussed being stay at home wives, which entailed cooking, cleaning, holding social events, and much more of the home related activities. The women took care of the household and made sure the husband was mentally and physically ready for work and other activities. I imagined that the era that these individuals spoke of were in the 1930’s and 40’s since the majority of them were in their 80s. The role of women during this time may not have been a selected way of life for them. It was a tradition for the women to stay at home and raise the children, while the husband made a life for his family. It was also a tradition for women to get married at younger ages than they currently do now. I remember my previous work at a nursing care center. I often talked to the residents about life and how it used to be. The women often poked fun at me because I was 21 years old and unmarried. One individual stated “isn’t it time that you found a man? You are getting a little old to be unmarried.” I laughed because my concerns about being married at 21 were much different than her concerns. I was more focused on obtaining my Bachelor’s Degree and getting a good job first. I did have some interest in starting a family; however I wanted to be financially stable before doing so. I also wanted to meet the right person, which was a constant struggle of mine. I tried to enlighten the residents on my choices in life; however they were accustomed to a certain way of life, as was I.

I had similar discussions with the men about the past, which led to a discussion of providing for the family. They believed in being the provider for the family and completing some of the tasks that were deemed as “manly tasks.” These tasks included paying the bills, fixing the car and household items, making decisions, taking out the trash, and other tasks. The men seemed very happy in their role as providing and securing the family. I suspect that my male acquaintance wanted things to go back to him being the provider and securer of his family and his wife taking care of the household. As many have seen, women’s progression from taking care of the household to providing for the family has decreased, and in some cases eliminated, the male’s previous role. Some women have found a sense of comfort in helping to provide for the family, making decisions, and living outside of a boxed in traditional role, as set forth in the Good Ole’ days. The truth about wanting life to go back to the way it used to be is that things are constantly changing and our way of life must change with the changing demands. The cost of living has risen since that time, as well as other things in life. As I’m told by some of my older friends, life is much different now than it was in the past. With shared responsibility of being a provider, also comes the shared responsibility of making the decisions in the household.

Women’s position within society has gained them the right to help in making decisions. A portion of women’s current role in society can be attributed to World War II. During this time, women had to learn to complete tasks on their own as their husbands and sons went off to fight in the battle that would regain the self-respect of Americans from the attack at Pearl Harbor. This meant that women had to get jobs, learn to provide for the family, and complete other tasks that were traditionally known as “manly tasks.” In the men returning from war, they had to learn to share the driver’s seat because it was evident that the previous system was drastically changing. Life was changing as men knew it and women seemed to gravitate more toward independence and being able to make their own decisions. Women enjoyed their new found power and were more than willing to share their lives and power with just the right person, as they are today.

Some of my current female acquaintances have stated that they would prefer to enter into a relationship in which there is shared responsibility. In this world of changing systems, ideas, and roles, women want to be appreciated, thought highly of, and in a relationship in which they deem fit for the progression of both individuals. Is that too much to ask? It’s not too much to ask for in my book. I, being a single woman, understand my self-worth. I know that I am worth more than I have been given, so my search continues. In stating my search continues, I say this passively speaking. I say this because I am not actively seeking, but instead know that my connection or placement with someone could come at any time. So, in answering my male acquaintance’s question about life going back to the way it used to be, we just cannot afford to regress to such a time. We have come too far to get caught up in who has the power and not with how can we can all share the power and continue to progress as a people.

~Remember the past and keep moving toward the future