Transference of Emotions

When you think about the words transference of emotions, what comes to mind? Do you think of something similar to going grocery shopping, picking up a product, purchasing it, and then taking it home? Well, if you know anything about the subject matter, then you know that it does not exactly work that way.

Sir Isaac Newton’s concept of energy states that “energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred from place to place” or person to person. Sometimes negative emotions can be transferred onto your spirit without you going to the grocery store and picking up the lovely box of passionate negativity. It’s like your body was attached by the Black Plague or the Norovirus; no matter how much to try to stay away from other infected people, you still end up catching the virus. Sometimes, people will deem you as the go-to-person for their problems. This is usually because you are easy to talk to, listen, and/or provide great insight to what they should do when faced with a hard decision. There are those particular times when individuals really just want to vent and will not need any advice from you. What these individuals fail to realize is that sometimes the information they tell you puts a strain on the listener, as they may already have problems of their own to deal with. I am definitely not stating that you should refrain from having a go-to-person. I am stating that maybe you should ask yourself a few questions before divulging your information to particular individuals. These questions should include: Has this person expressed an interest in hearing my problems? Are my interactions with this person always about me venting? Do I ever listen to any of his/her problems or stories? Are there other ways that I can clear my mind without verbalizing it? These are questions that you really want to ask yourself because there’s nothing like venting to someone who cannot deal with your problems at that particular moment.

Transferring negative energy to another person should not always be your first choice, unless the individual has expressed interest in hearing the problems and has the ability to diffuse the negative energy source at its base. It is also a good idea to ask a direct question, such as: Can I talk to you about my problems and issues? This allows the receiver to decide whether or not he or she feels like listening to your problems.  You should always give him or her the choice to decide. This reminds me of a previous position in human services that I worked in many years ago. My co-workers often joked around with me about many things. I usually laughed and responded in a way which also made them laugh. There were a few instances while working there that I did not feel like myself or feel up to talking. My co-workers joked with me as usually. Instead of getting upset with my co-workers and transferring my negative energy on them because I was not feeling good, I was direct with my co-workers. I told them that I would prefer not to joke today because I was not feeling good. My co-workers thanked me for telling them how I felt because my comments let them know that I wanted to be left alone for the time being.

In the next couple of days, I want you to start asking yourself the questions stated above. I want you to think of healthy ways to limit your transference of negative emotions. Some things you can do is try talking to the person you are having problems with, exercise, take a nice soak in the bathtub, and review the information a little more. We as people, often react to a situation without really giving it much thought. Our reaction can lead us to venting negatively to other people, which we have identified as helpful to us, but possibly harmful to other people. So the next time you vent to someone, ask yourself, "will this information be harmful to the other person?"