Watch "So Addictive" Performed at Otterbein University

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Alumni Author of the Month at Otterbein University

Good evening everyone.  I wanted to share this joyous occassion with you.  I am currently the Alumni Author of the Month at Otterbein University.  Please make sure you stop by the school and check it out.  I am planning on visiting the site very soon.  Be check to keep update on when I will be there.  Check out more information on the facebook page for Otterbein Courtright Memorial Library.

What a Man Wants? What a Man Needs?

What do men really want in a woman?  Well, the verdict is in and ready to be discussed.  In a recent focus group, I met with men between the ages of 30 to 40 years of age.  These men stated that they were looking for someone they call a “Real Woman.”  Ms. Real Woman is smart, can engage in various intellectual conversations, listens, cares about her significant other, and most of all, she acts like a woman. 

Men stress the importance of relationships being give and take and their need of being treated like a king.  Men are willing to give to the relationship; however giving has to be reciprocated from the woman.  A close friend of mine once told me that “Women want to be treated like queens; however in the same instance, they have to be willing to treat their boyfriends or husbands like kings.  It’s only fair.”  Men definitely want equality in the relationship and at the same time the opportunity to take his place as being the protector of the family.  They believe that each sex plays a vital role in the family, whether it is being a protector or the rock of the family.

Finding Ms. Right for men has not been easy because they face the same struggles that women face when looking for Mr. Right.  One individual told me that “I don’t care about my mate being pretty; I care more about her inner beauty, intelligence, and our connection.”  Men also stressed that there’s no one person that was made for them.  They stated that if a woman has some of the qualities they want, they are willing to put more interest in her by helping her develop various skills to make her Mrs. Wife. 

Men want the same things in life that women want, such as the American Dream.  The American Dream consists of having a family, home, job, and other necessities to make life much better.  One friend told me that “No one wants to be alone for the rest of his or her life.  Everyone generally arrives at a stage in life when they need and or want to have a partner.”  I was also told that men and women are constantly looking toward the future and want various pleasures in life that consists of: Marriage, children, and a stable household.     

In conclusion, men want women to listen, be patient, relinquish some of the power and control, and have intellectual conversations.  Is that too much to ask for?  Not at all.  Do you agree?

Broken Dreams and Lessons

Broken dreams
Tattered souls
Reflection in eyes
Of hardship untold

Long days and nights

Ease the pain
Relieves the stress
From the often insane

Things have to get better

They can’t get any worse
I put the worse aside
And tucked it in my purse

See worse use to challenge me

And hit me when I was down
It even grabbed a Louieville Slugger
And beat my head straight to the ground

I finally said no more

And pleasantly got up
Because I truly knew
When enough was enough

See repeating a lesson

I don’t have that to do
Learning from the lesson
Was what I have to do

Now, you can go through life

Keeping doing the same thing
But when you learn the lesson
Is when you ears will ring

More opportunities will be waiting

For you to continue your stride
Just know where you’re going
And when to get off the ride!

The Art Series: The Art of Presenting

Tell me this, have you ever attended a presentation that just bored you out of your mind?  The material was great, but the presenter was not so engaging.  Have you ever been that presenter that failed to captivate the audience?  In the next few moments, I am going to give you a few tips to take you from not captivating an audience to engaging them and keeping their interest.

Right now, I know you are wondering what skills do I possess that could assist you in being a better presenter.  Currently, I train various individuals in Job Readiness programs for permanent employment.  A lot of this training consists of me presenting to the group, interacting with them, engaging them, and making sure they understand the material.  I have trained high school students, older adults, and individuals with developmental disabilities and mental health disorders. 

In the past, I could relate to being the presenter that did not captivate the audience.  An example of this was when I first started training individuals four years ago.  As I was presenting to a group of two individuals, I started putting my own self asleep.  It can honestly be said that if you are putting your own self to sleep with the material, you are more than likely doing the same thing to your audience.  After evaluating myself, I found that I talked the majority of the time, did not interact with the listeners, and had only one method to the presentation (lecture).  At that moment, I asked myself, "What can you do differently to make sure this never happens again?"  My conclusion was that my material needed to be more engaging.  I definitely had great knowledge to provide the group; however I did not have the follow through to make the students were engaged in the subject matter.  Needless to say, I changed my approach immediately.

Below, you will find some helpful tips in captivating your audience:

1. Get to know your audience
• Evaluate the room
• Make small talk
2. Interact with your listeners
• Ask questions
• Answer questions
• Make eye contact
• Be social
3. Use various presenting tools
• PowerPoint
• Printouts
• YouTube Videos
• Websites
• Games or Interactive Strategies
• Let the audience guide some of the discussion
4. Be excited about the material
• Smile
• Provide personal examples
• show enthusiasm

 I am hoping that these techniques will help you in engaging your next audience.  Remember that your audience will respond to your energy.  So give off positive and engaging energy.

Truly Amazing

Today, I was truly amazed when I listened to WHCR 90.3 FM.  CCNY's President, Lisa S. Coico, interviewed the winners of The City College of New York 40th Annual Spring Poetry Festival, Maurisa Fraser, Nykemah Warren and Dolen Le and the Director of the CCNY’s Poetry Outreach Center, Pamela S. Laskin. Listen here.

Congratulations to Maurisa for being the first place winner!

What a Girl Wants: What a Girl Needs!

Understanding the female perspective is really not as hard as some have deemed it to be.  Listening to her, as she listens to you, is the key componet to understanding her.  Listening entails allowing her time to talk, rephrasing what was stated, making eye contact, and showing some sign of understanding to the discussion.  Now, there are going to be times times that you don't understand what she is talking about.  This is when you should tell her that you don't understand.  I know she will appreciate your honesty.  Below, I will review some things that women want and what they need.  Please note that not all women want the same things.  This list was compiled from my conversations with men and women over the past three years.

Honesty is one of the ingredients for any successful relationship, friendship, partnership, or any other type of communicative effort.  It makes the person feel valued and worthy of such a relationship.  In the past, some male acquaintances have told me in open dialogue that "women cannot handle the truth."  Well, I'm here to say that women can handle the truth because the truth is much better than a lie.  The truth may hurt in the beginning, but a lie will hurt even worse.  So if you have something you need to get off of your chest, tell her.

Entering and maintaining relationships with someone who is goal-oriented and attempts their goals is a must.   Recently, I was among a group of male friends who have always been upfront with me about their feelings and the differences between men and women.  The group of men, who were high school and/or college educated, agreed to the same thing; women want more for their lives than men and that men are content with their current lives.  This statement seemed to be true because a friend of mine recently disclosed information to me about wanting her boyfriend to be more goal-oriented and want more for his life.  I honestly believe that wanting more out of your life really depends on the person because I have been around men that have wanted more out of their lives than some women did.  If the woman finds the scenario above to be true in her case, she and her significant should discuss if the relationship is worth pursuing.  The relationship may work for some; however not work for others.

Have you ever been in love with someone and the feelings just were not reciprocated?  I am sure a number of us have felt this way either this month, last month, or the last couple of years ago.  In my evaluations and discussions with men and women, I have noticed that women tend to fall for a guy in the beginning of a relationship.  She sometimes gives her all in the beginning because anything less would be uncanny.  In comparison with women, men tend to take longer to divulge his feelings to a women.  In this type of situation, I say that each individual has to give a little.  The man may tell the women to be patient; however he too should learn how to disclose some of his feelings earlier on, so it is a win-win situation.   

Women need to be in a relationship with no double standards.  How many of you men can honestly say that you did not want your woman hanging around male friends; however it was ok for you to hang around female friends?  Do you honestly think that was fair?  Some of my male friends told me that they like it that way because they know how men are and some women are naive.  Could the same be said for women and could some men be naive?  I would say the same goes for both men and women.  We are all tempted by some of the same things and react in a similar way.  A good dose of trust is needed in this situation.

The last thing that women need is time to focus on her.  Women like to be pampered, spoiled, and thought highly of.  Why not take her on an all expense paid trip to Montego Bay?  Ok, I may be pushing the enevelop a bit, but if you can afford it, why not?  If you can't, then take her out to dinner and to a movie.  Let her relax without having to pick up the tab.  Let her have quiet time for her thoughts and be able to focus solely on herself.  Take her shopping or to one of her favorite places.  You will know exactly where to take her because you have invested enough time in her to know these things.

People and Our Differences

Have you ever been at the park with a friend and you happen to see someone who looks different from you?  Maybe you are at the grocery store and see someone who walks a little different?  What about having a manager’s meeting and another manager thinks differently than the other managers?

If you have answered yes to any of the statements above than welcome to this wonderful world we call society.  A world where people are made up of different shapes, sizes, colors, abilities, and thought processes.  A group of people that encompasses different cultures, religions, preferences, and upbringings.  Who would have imagined such a group of extraordinary people?

We are a people of many differences, yet many similarities as well.  Have you ever seen the dedicated African-America mother who works hard to make sure her four girls are raised the right way?  What about the Caucasian father who helps his son learn how to play baseball?  Don’t forget about the dedicated Asian boy who learns how to play basketball well enough to make it to the NBA.

As a society of many differences, we also have to respect our similarities and the things we have in common.  We must put aside our strife toward other races, sexes, religions, cultures, and other protected classes, in an attempt to gain what is naturally ours; peace.  

When I think about peace and coming together despite our differences, I reflect on the Statue of Liberty.  The statue has a very symbolic meaning that I am pretty sure that most of us can identify with, being that we are a nation of immigrants.  It was gifted to the United States by France in 1886.  The statue:

Stands for an idea. The Statue of Liberty stands in Upper New York Bay, a universal symbol of freedom. Originally conceived as an emblem of the friendship between the people of France and the U.S. and a sign of their mutual desire for liberty, over the years the Statue has become much more. It is the Mother of Exiles, greeting millions of immigrants and embodying hope and opportunity for those seeking a better life in America. It stirs the desire for freedom in people all over the world. It represents the United States itself.

When dealing with other people that are different, remember the easy part is judging immediately.  The hard part is understanding the unknown.  Are you tired of taking the easy way out of life?  Be more than the judge and jury socialites that we come into contact with or have become today!

What Type of Energy Have You Been Giving Off?

Have you thought about this question lately: What type of energy have I been giving off?  I have asked myself that question a couple times this month.  The question occurred because  recently I had been extremely happy for some reason and my phone was constantly beeping with messages from friends I had not talked to in over four months.  I started to ask myself if my friends could feel my positive energy in society and responded to my happiness with “Hey girl!  How’s it going?  And what’s been up?”  Something was definitely going on and I needed to find out what. 

In thinking about positive and negative energy, I can honestly say that I have been on the spectrum of exhibiting both positive and negative energy levels; with the negative portion being attributed to obtaining my master’s degree last year.  My energy levels were usually positive; however in my pursuit for my master’s degree, I experienced negative energy to its fullest extent: I was constantly complaining, had my first tiff with a friend I had known for at least 10 years, and felt like I would never be able to write a 60 page paper in three months.  I believe that all of this stress was due to me completing my thesis project, working a full-time job, attending social functions, and other functions of my life that I wanted to maintain.  Though I was the creator of my own negative energy, I told myself to push through it and learn to deal with the detrimental state I was in, so I could learn how to cope with like situations in the future.

Often, when people exude positive energy, everyone wants to be around them.  It’s like a magnetic attraction that makes people joyful.  It makes like souls congregate and provide strength for one another.  It lets people see that all things are possible through strength and dedication.  These individuals may display a certain passion toward something, which is exuded in the way they treat people, the way they respond to certain situations, and the forces they allow to have dominion over them.  People who exemplify characteristics of negative energy are often avoided by others, especially the positive energy holders.  Negative energy tends to repel positive energy, which provides a feeling of discomfort, stress, and ambiguity.  While negative feelings cannot always be avoided, the way that we respond to them can.  You cannot always control the things that happen in your life; however you can control the way that you respond to them.

Take action today by understanding your negative feelings and dealing with them in a professional manner.

Helpful Relaxation and Rejuvenation Tips

Do you know someone who is in need of a relaxing and stressfree night?  Well, I have just the thing for you.  The letter below will help you, help someone else.  You can provide the letter to the individual with a bag full of goodies to help them relieve their stress.  You will need to purchase the items listed below, which are a part of setting a relaxing mood.  Remember that you can add or subtract anything for the bag.

Letter:

Please accept this gift as a token of my appreciation for who you are and what you will be.  I am pretty sure you are aware that who you are now is not who you will be in the future.  Experiences bring so much to our lives and help us deal with whatever is thrown our way. 

In this bag you will find:

A candle

Moisturizing Bath Beads

Aromatherapaes Bath Ball

Pure & Natural Hand Soap

Eye mask with soft gel pearls

These items will allow you to get away from it all and relax, even if only for a short moment in time.  You truly deserve it.  You have to promise me one thing upon accepting this gift.  You will use these items to assist you in releasing harmful thoughts and emotions within your body and create a calm and soothing environment.  As stated by Michelle Obama in an interview with Barbara Waters, “you have to take care of yourself first before you cantake care of anyone else.”  I know that statement all too well.  While in school, I was a little selfish with my time and the relationships I entered into because I was focusing on myself.  I felt that I deserved it because too often I was focusing on making other people happy and the same was not always returned.  I have returned to helping other people again, but I know that I need my selfish days to help me make it through life.  So with these items, be selfish and rejuvenate your spirit to continue helping others and obtaining your dreams.