"So Fly" by Elle Varner

 

“I can’t help bein’ depressed 
When I look down at my chest

Oh yes my chest it might as well be non-existent 

How can I ever compete

With 34 DDs

And I’m rolling my eyes

When I look down at my thighs

They might as well take everything that I eat

To my legs”

 

Elle Varner sings this catch tune about being insecure with her body type.  She even goes as far as saying that if she was minus the “cellulite with big breast and pockets full of money, she would be so fly.”  After those comments and looking at a few of Elle Varner’s pictures, you can’t help but wonder where all of this is coming from.  Well as teenagers and young adults, many of us have imagined the same thoughts, spoke the same words, and believed the same fallacies.  If only we could pick and choose our body type, hand select our facial features, and look in the mirror and see a beautiful young woman or man standing before us.

 

Elle continues the song by saying:

 

“Now listen

I got a beautiful soul

But only four people know

They’ve known me since I was ten

Beauty did not matter then

Now in my 20s

All that matters

Is sex, cars, and money

I ain’t got none of the three

So basically I’m invisible to all of the fellas”

 

I viewed the second portion of the song as Elle still being concerned with what others thought beauty should be and living by the defined standards of society.  The defined standards of society does not always lead to a continued path down the same road, sometimes people follow that road in order to define their own standards.  Elle shows exactly this in the next portion of the song, which states:

 

“So basically all I need

Is to be everything but me

Colored contacts

Liposuction

And some Implants

Somehow that don’t make much sense

I must be out of my head

If I think

That I am governed by material things”

 

In the last portion of the song, Elle defines her own definition of fly and states “don’t go believin’ the hype.  There’s no runway in the sky.  And no way you can be fly.  Not if it costs you a dime.”  I absolutely love this song.  I liked the way it transitioned to from I'm not fly to I'm going to create my own definition of fly. 

 

~Have you had your dose of "So Fly" today?

 

 

  

 
 
 
 

Funny Things People Say While on Vacation

So recently, my mother and I visited Montgomery, Alabama.  In traveling to Alabama and while there visiting, there were few funny comments made.  Below, you will find four comments made during the trip, which I found funny or cute:   

Mother to TSA Agent about security check: This is like a strip search.
TSA Agent's response:  You still have your clothes on don't you?

Little boy in airport to his mother: Why do I always have to go in the girls' restroom?

Cousin's response to friend fixing dinner upon her visit: I then struck gold

Cousin's comment to her father:  Dad, they have an accent.  I want one.

The first and the last comments were the ones that really had me going.  When people make these type of comments, you have to ask yourself, where do they come up with this stuff from?

Is Being the Youngest of the Family Getting in the Way of How People Perceive You?

If I had the opportunity of gaining a dollar every time someone stated, “I can’t stand the youngest of the family,” I would probably be paid nothing less than $1,000.  As an adolescent, I definitely heard that statement more than I could count.  The difference between now and then is that now I am aware that emotions tend to play an important role in these comments, which makes you think that there has to be some truth to the matter.  In order for us to address this concern, we have to be open and honest with ourselves and each other.  I want you to take the next few moments and ask yourself these questions: Am I the youngest of the family or do I have a younger sibling?  Am I or my sibling treated a certain way by my family?  Is there a difference in treatment of my siblings and myself?  After you have contemplated those questions for a while, I want you to think about your answers as we progress through this article.

Recently, I was told by a co-worker that she could not believe that I was the youngest of my siblings.  She told me that I did not act as a typical younger sibling.  I immediately thought “people’s opinions of  the younger sibling must be universal.  Why is this?  And what was the particular way that younger siblings acted?”  I ultimately knew the answers to my own questions because I had dealt with them earlier on in life. 

You have to know that being the youngest of the family is not an easy job because people do perceive the youngest to act in a certain manner.  Honestly, it’s not like “The baby of the family” wakes up each morning and say “I’m going to act in a manner to distinguish myself as the younger sibling of the family.”  Sometimes our actions are attention seeking.  We were the last of mom and dad’s kids, so we sometimes seek attention because we were use to having the spotlight.  It can also be said that some of us had no immediate responsibilities to take care of, such as taking care of a younger sibling, being the bigger brother or sister, or anything else that came with protecting someone we loved.  While older brothers and sisters learned this incredible skill early on, younger siblings had to find other ways to gain the skill. 

At times, our understanding of the statement “The world doesn’t revolve around you,” does not really hit home until we are older adults.  This is sad, but often true.  Take reality star, Tamar Braxton for example.  She is the youngest of six children born to Evelyn Braxton and Michael Braxton, Sr.  As the show displays, Tamar can be a little domineering at times.  In previous episodes, her personality rubbed her sisters the wrong way because of her comments and actions.  Although some of Tamar’s actions and comments were irrational, I could definitely relate to her.  I could relate to her emotionality, her feeling of having to always defend herself from her older siblings, and being misunderstood.  See, previously I was the same way.  I remember in my early twenties, I often felt misunderstood.  I had sisters, but no one to talk to.  A mouth, but no one to hear me.  A purpose, but no one to understand me.  I felt as though I was all alone with no one to take up for me when accusations were made against me.  Who would stand by me and show me that it would be ok?  Me, that’s who! 

Finally in my late twenties, I started to live for myself and no one else.  This is when many doors opened up to me in the form of relationships, friendships, and a feeling inside of me that it was ok to be me.  I felt more comfortable in myself, doubted myself less, and knew where I was going.  I honestly believe that when I found comfort in myself, others started to see the same comfort that radiated inside of me.  It was like my hands had been unbound, feet unshackled, and mind liberated.  See, I was a hostage within my own home because like my co-worker who believed the youngest sibling acted in a particular way, I believed I was treated in a particular way.  That notion is what kept me from progressing toward my purpose.  I can say that I longer feel that way because I do not want to be in the business of making thoughts reality.  I conclude by saying that as a child, I was spoiled and a bit selfish.  Do you think if I was presented with the opportunity to change who I was as a child, I would do it?  Not at all!  I truly believe that we all go through certain things in life because we are being prepared to embark upon like experiences.  My knowledge of my past choices and activities could very well help shape someone else’s life.  While I am unable to change my sisters’ previous thoughts about me, I am able to change their future thoughts.  We definitely have much better relationships than when I was younger, which I attribute to the shift in understanding each other as we grew up and became women.  We now have experienced life a little bit more and have something to share with each other.  I must say that I love these women!

~ I choose the liberated and often conscious mind

Watch "So Addictive" Performed at Otterbein University

http://www.facebook.com/Otterbeinlibrary

Alumni Author of the Month at Otterbein University

Good evening everyone.  I wanted to share this joyous occassion with you.  I am currently the Alumni Author of the Month at Otterbein University.  Please make sure you stop by the school and check it out.  I am planning on visiting the site very soon.  Be check to keep update on when I will be there.  Check out more information on the facebook page for Otterbein Courtright Memorial Library.

What a Man Wants? What a Man Needs?

What do men really want in a woman?  Well, the verdict is in and ready to be discussed.  In a recent focus group, I met with men between the ages of 30 to 40 years of age.  These men stated that they were looking for someone they call a “Real Woman.”  Ms. Real Woman is smart, can engage in various intellectual conversations, listens, cares about her significant other, and most of all, she acts like a woman. 

Men stress the importance of relationships being give and take and their need of being treated like a king.  Men are willing to give to the relationship; however giving has to be reciprocated from the woman.  A close friend of mine once told me that “Women want to be treated like queens; however in the same instance, they have to be willing to treat their boyfriends or husbands like kings.  It’s only fair.”  Men definitely want equality in the relationship and at the same time the opportunity to take his place as being the protector of the family.  They believe that each sex plays a vital role in the family, whether it is being a protector or the rock of the family.

Finding Ms. Right for men has not been easy because they face the same struggles that women face when looking for Mr. Right.  One individual told me that “I don’t care about my mate being pretty; I care more about her inner beauty, intelligence, and our connection.”  Men also stressed that there’s no one person that was made for them.  They stated that if a woman has some of the qualities they want, they are willing to put more interest in her by helping her develop various skills to make her Mrs. Wife. 

Men want the same things in life that women want, such as the American Dream.  The American Dream consists of having a family, home, job, and other necessities to make life much better.  One friend told me that “No one wants to be alone for the rest of his or her life.  Everyone generally arrives at a stage in life when they need and or want to have a partner.”  I was also told that men and women are constantly looking toward the future and want various pleasures in life that consists of: Marriage, children, and a stable household.     

In conclusion, men want women to listen, be patient, relinquish some of the power and control, and have intellectual conversations.  Is that too much to ask for?  Not at all.  Do you agree?

Broken Dreams and Lessons

Broken dreams
Tattered souls
Reflection in eyes
Of hardship untold

Long days and nights

Ease the pain
Relieves the stress
From the often insane

Things have to get better

They can’t get any worse
I put the worse aside
And tucked it in my purse

See worse use to challenge me

And hit me when I was down
It even grabbed a Louieville Slugger
And beat my head straight to the ground

I finally said no more

And pleasantly got up
Because I truly knew
When enough was enough

See repeating a lesson

I don’t have that to do
Learning from the lesson
Was what I have to do

Now, you can go through life

Keeping doing the same thing
But when you learn the lesson
Is when you ears will ring

More opportunities will be waiting

For you to continue your stride
Just know where you’re going
And when to get off the ride!

The Art Series: The Art of Presenting

Tell me this, have you ever attended a presentation that just bored you out of your mind?  The material was great, but the presenter was not so engaging.  Have you ever been that presenter that failed to captivate the audience?  In the next few moments, I am going to give you a few tips to take you from not captivating an audience to engaging them and keeping their interest.

Right now, I know you are wondering what skills do I possess that could assist you in being a better presenter.  Currently, I train various individuals in Job Readiness programs for permanent employment.  A lot of this training consists of me presenting to the group, interacting with them, engaging them, and making sure they understand the material.  I have trained high school students, older adults, and individuals with developmental disabilities and mental health disorders. 

In the past, I could relate to being the presenter that did not captivate the audience.  An example of this was when I first started training individuals four years ago.  As I was presenting to a group of two individuals, I started putting my own self asleep.  It can honestly be said that if you are putting your own self to sleep with the material, you are more than likely doing the same thing to your audience.  After evaluating myself, I found that I talked the majority of the time, did not interact with the listeners, and had only one method to the presentation (lecture).  At that moment, I asked myself, "What can you do differently to make sure this never happens again?"  My conclusion was that my material needed to be more engaging.  I definitely had great knowledge to provide the group; however I did not have the follow through to make the students were engaged in the subject matter.  Needless to say, I changed my approach immediately.

Below, you will find some helpful tips in captivating your audience:

1. Get to know your audience
• Evaluate the room
• Make small talk
2. Interact with your listeners
• Ask questions
• Answer questions
• Make eye contact
• Be social
3. Use various presenting tools
• PowerPoint
• Printouts
• YouTube Videos
• Websites
• Games or Interactive Strategies
• Let the audience guide some of the discussion
4. Be excited about the material
• Smile
• Provide personal examples
• show enthusiasm

 I am hoping that these techniques will help you in engaging your next audience.  Remember that your audience will respond to your energy.  So give off positive and engaging energy.

Truly Amazing

Today, I was truly amazed when I listened to WHCR 90.3 FM.  CCNY's President, Lisa S. Coico, interviewed the winners of The City College of New York 40th Annual Spring Poetry Festival, Maurisa Fraser, Nykemah Warren and Dolen Le and the Director of the CCNY’s Poetry Outreach Center, Pamela S. Laskin. Listen here.

Congratulations to Maurisa for being the first place winner!

What a Girl Wants: What a Girl Needs!

Understanding the female perspective is really not as hard as some have deemed it to be.  Listening to her, as she listens to you, is the key componet to understanding her.  Listening entails allowing her time to talk, rephrasing what was stated, making eye contact, and showing some sign of understanding to the discussion.  Now, there are going to be times times that you don't understand what she is talking about.  This is when you should tell her that you don't understand.  I know she will appreciate your honesty.  Below, I will review some things that women want and what they need.  Please note that not all women want the same things.  This list was compiled from my conversations with men and women over the past three years.

Honesty is one of the ingredients for any successful relationship, friendship, partnership, or any other type of communicative effort.  It makes the person feel valued and worthy of such a relationship.  In the past, some male acquaintances have told me in open dialogue that "women cannot handle the truth."  Well, I'm here to say that women can handle the truth because the truth is much better than a lie.  The truth may hurt in the beginning, but a lie will hurt even worse.  So if you have something you need to get off of your chest, tell her.

Entering and maintaining relationships with someone who is goal-oriented and attempts their goals is a must.   Recently, I was among a group of male friends who have always been upfront with me about their feelings and the differences between men and women.  The group of men, who were high school and/or college educated, agreed to the same thing; women want more for their lives than men and that men are content with their current lives.  This statement seemed to be true because a friend of mine recently disclosed information to me about wanting her boyfriend to be more goal-oriented and want more for his life.  I honestly believe that wanting more out of your life really depends on the person because I have been around men that have wanted more out of their lives than some women did.  If the woman finds the scenario above to be true in her case, she and her significant should discuss if the relationship is worth pursuing.  The relationship may work for some; however not work for others.

Have you ever been in love with someone and the feelings just were not reciprocated?  I am sure a number of us have felt this way either this month, last month, or the last couple of years ago.  In my evaluations and discussions with men and women, I have noticed that women tend to fall for a guy in the beginning of a relationship.  She sometimes gives her all in the beginning because anything less would be uncanny.  In comparison with women, men tend to take longer to divulge his feelings to a women.  In this type of situation, I say that each individual has to give a little.  The man may tell the women to be patient; however he too should learn how to disclose some of his feelings earlier on, so it is a win-win situation.   

Women need to be in a relationship with no double standards.  How many of you men can honestly say that you did not want your woman hanging around male friends; however it was ok for you to hang around female friends?  Do you honestly think that was fair?  Some of my male friends told me that they like it that way because they know how men are and some women are naive.  Could the same be said for women and could some men be naive?  I would say the same goes for both men and women.  We are all tempted by some of the same things and react in a similar way.  A good dose of trust is needed in this situation.

The last thing that women need is time to focus on her.  Women like to be pampered, spoiled, and thought highly of.  Why not take her on an all expense paid trip to Montego Bay?  Ok, I may be pushing the enevelop a bit, but if you can afford it, why not?  If you can't, then take her out to dinner and to a movie.  Let her relax without having to pick up the tab.  Let her have quiet time for her thoughts and be able to focus solely on herself.  Take her shopping or to one of her favorite places.  You will know exactly where to take her because you have invested enough time in her to know these things.