Helpful Relaxation and Rejuvenation Tips

Do you know someone who is in need of a relaxing and stressfree night?  Well, I have just the thing for you.  The letter below will help you, help someone else.  You can provide the letter to the individual with a bag full of goodies to help them relieve their stress.  You will need to purchase the items listed below, which are a part of setting a relaxing mood.  Remember that you can add or subtract anything for the bag.

Letter:

Please accept this gift as a token of my appreciation for who you are and what you will be.  I am pretty sure you are aware that who you are now is not who you will be in the future.  Experiences bring so much to our lives and help us deal with whatever is thrown our way. 

In this bag you will find:

A candle

Moisturizing Bath Beads

Aromatherapaes Bath Ball

Pure & Natural Hand Soap

Eye mask with soft gel pearls

These items will allow you to get away from it all and relax, even if only for a short moment in time.  You truly deserve it.  You have to promise me one thing upon accepting this gift.  You will use these items to assist you in releasing harmful thoughts and emotions within your body and create a calm and soothing environment.  As stated by Michelle Obama in an interview with Barbara Waters, “you have to take care of yourself first before you cantake care of anyone else.”  I know that statement all too well.  While in school, I was a little selfish with my time and the relationships I entered into because I was focusing on myself.  I felt that I deserved it because too often I was focusing on making other people happy and the same was not always returned.  I have returned to helping other people again, but I know that I need my selfish days to help me make it through life.  So with these items, be selfish and rejuvenate your spirit to continue helping others and obtaining your dreams.

Men and Women: We Need Each Other

The truth to living a comfortable life is that men and women need each other.  We need each other for our physical and mental capabilities.  We need that emotional factor that pulls us into each other’s spirit.  We need the security that we provide each other.  We need love reciprocated at a monogamous level.  We need the discussion aspect of the relationship that makes us well rounded and feel appreciated.  Now the listening part of the relationship can be tricky because the fact of the matter is that we don’t always listen to each other.  Honestly, I can be accused of not listening to a significant other.  It was nothing he or I had done; it was just that we sometimes needed time to ourselves to process various things in our lives in order to be there for each other.  We wanted to be there for each other, so we listened; although our minds were somewhere else. 

Has anyone heard the comment before, “Men and women can be independent and don’t need to be loved?”  Well, I’m here to say that the statement is not true.  In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory, he reveals a level of needing to be loved.  While the love of family and friends is great, there is nothing that can compare to loving and being loved by a significant other; Being loved by a person that truly understands you and by someone who can read you inside out.  Love of family and friends cannot replace the love of a significant other who is going to cuddle with you at night when you need security or the warmth of another body.  It also will not replace the truthfulness of your significant other stating that you gained a little weight, but he likes it on you.

Now, I’m definitely not telling you to go out and get into a relationship with just anyone because you still need to make a well-informed decision when dating.  I am just telling you to acknowledge that each gender plays a specific role in each other’s life.  We need to respect each other, stop focusing on the other gender’s negative traits, and love each other for who they are and will be.   

~We need each other

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How Do You Determine Who Will Be Successful?

Do you think determining who will be successful in life is as easy as looking at a newborn baby and seeing a certain gleam in his/her eye?  Let’s all take a mental field trip to the maternity ward at a hospital and suggest who we think will be successful in life.  What do you think our probability of success will be?  What do you think our probability of failure will be?

Many notable people, such as Plato, Aristotle, Machiavelli, and St. Paul, have tried to determine what makes some people more successful than others.  Take for example:

Plato believed only a select few with superior wisdom should be leaders.  Now let’s look at Aristotle who states "Fromthe moment of their birth, some are marked for subjugation and others for command.  Machiavelli felt that those princes who had the cunning and the ability to organize power and knowledge in the defense of the state should be followed.  St. Paul said only those deemed worthy through divine blessing couldtruly lead.  Many believed God chose leaders through royal or aristocratic birth, and since indeed these men didsecure positions of power, the theory seemed credible.

I believe that a person’s ability to understand and apply the lessons they have learned will make them very successful.  Many times, we are provided with lessons that we must understand on our own.  Sometimes, we will see the same thing others see, but detract different lessons from what we saw.  This does not make any of our assumptions incorrect.  It just provides many perspectives on what has taken place.

The progression toward helping someone become successful should start at a very young age.  I would say as early as two years old.  Children start picking up on things around this age.  Now, helping them become successful does not mean to live your childhood dreams through them.  Helping them become successful just means to find out things that they really like to do and help them reach their goals.  Take my nieces for example.  These young ladies are nine and eleven years old.  The nine year old would like to become an actress and the eleven year old would like to become a professional dancer.  My family believes in encouraging them and providing them with the necessary tools to help their dreams come true.  Encouragement is done by conversations, participating in like events, and my latest gift to them: a vision board.  Recently, I gave them a vision board with the task of decorating the board and placing their dreams and aspirations on it.  I told them to place the board somewhere that they will see it every day, so they can start living in their passion.  The nine year old asked me for some ideas to help her make a vision board.  I gave her another task, which will help her on the road to success: I told her to look up some ideas on the computer.  I truly believe that success comes with self-direction and should be started at an early age.  My mother did the same thing with me.  When I was around 10 years old and wanted to know what a word meant, she told me to look it up.  This is the very reason why I continue to research questions that I may have about life, words, and human interactions. 

Success is truly determined by the individual by setting goals.  A good way to do this is to attach a time line to your goals.  Tell yourself, I want to sign up for dancing or acting classes by the time I am 16 years old or I want to have authored five books by the time I am 30.  The timeline will allow you to focus on what you need to do and when you need to do it.

~Don’t let people determine whether or not you will be successful.  Start defining your own opportunity.

Why Do People Cheat?

As the amount of marriages decline, we have to ask ourselves a question, “can this be attributed to cheating?”  Many people I have spoken with have various opinions to what they constitute cheating as; however can agree to one thing and that is their dislike of being cheated on.

Cheating is an act that makes some people upset, angry, confused, and insecure.  It can make significant others and lovers do things that they never thought they would do, such as: Hiding in the bushes, confronting friends, becoming confrontational, and acting out of character.  Who really has time to act in this manner?  Apparently some people do because these are still some of the current reactions to cheating. 

In trying to understand why people cheat, we have to understand the person and the environment he or she had been raised.  You have some men and women who were exposed to cheating at a very young age.  They saw their mother or father interact inappropriately with other people or they were told certain things about the other gender.  An example of this is of a father telling his young son that he should not allow any one girl to entrap his heart, like his mother did to his father.  He tells his son to date many girls and have many relationships while he is still young enough to do it.  The son receiving the advice may think he only has two options, which are to stay single for the rest of his life and live a glorious bachelor’s life or to get married to someone who he will sooner or later dip out on (cheat on).    

Another reason someone cheats is because he or she is looking for something else.  How many times have you ordered lunch at a restaurant, but really wanted something else instead?  Well, some people choose to keep the dish they have because with the right spices, anything is possible.  Others chose to eat the dish they ordered and then pick up a dish on the way home to make up for what the first dish lacked.  People deem this as “having your cake and eating it too.”   This type of individual likes variety, which means he or she can enjoy having the intellectual conversation with one individual, while having loads of fun with another individual.  He or she also may like having the financial stability that a lawyer can provide, while living dangerously with his stripper girlfriend or her biker boyfriend.  This more or less is a learned trait that could have been brought on by conversations with friends, watching movies, or wanting to experience life.  This individual may be of a younger age and easily influenced by others, but ages vary nowadays. 

What about those individuals that have become so accustomed to cheating that it is like wearing shorts and a tank top in the summertime?  To them, cheating or stepping out on their partner is a given.  They would not see it any other way.  These individuals include, but are not limited to the star football player on a well-known high school team, the promiscuous sorority girl on campus, or even the family-oriented minister.  Cheating is often the result of a dilemma which can be brought on by someone who has done it numerous times or someone who is looking for an outlet to some type of hurt that he or she has experienced.  The challenging part of cheating is the portion that deals with being faithful to the one you love.    

A few comments that I have heard from males about cheating is that their girlfriend or wife has let herself go, meaning that she gained weight, does not cook or clean anyone, or has changed.  It seems to me that sometimes, it is not only the woman who has let go of herself, but the man as well.  Isn’t that what love is about?  Letting go and being comfortable around the individual you love?  If we as people have to worry about not letting go, is it even worth the sacrifice?  Some comments that I have heard from females about cheating is that they are looking for more in a mate.  They are unhappy with their conditions because they feel as though they are not being appreciated or respected.  Have you heard of the saying that “when you first meet someone, you are meeting their representative?”  You are not meeting the true person because the person is trying to impress you in some way, shape, or form.  I actually call it lying because it is not your true self and you are impressing people with a fake persona.  Doing this could possibly lead to being dumped, cheated on, and maybe even a healthy relationship once you and your significant other have exposed the truth.    

So I conclude with stating that the decline in marriages could be attributed to cheating; however more research would have to take place in order to correlate those two variables.  As a population within an environment increases its knowledge of current problems and issues, it also increases awareness to create tactics to eliminate those situations.  One tactic is having an open conversation where both parties can be totally honest with each other.  Another tactic is helping the person who has cheated with working out certain issues or concerns that he or she may have with the other gender.  There certainly are many other tactics that may be helpful in understanding this issue.  Start this journey to understanding by being open-minded, receptive, and willing to forgive. 

He Is...

Sometimes in life

I feel trapped in a place

Where society has yet to uncover

Trampling over my spirit

Which shines so bright

Although dark clouds have tried to overshadow

My sunny days

Sitting in the place of solitude

Waiting for the spirit of a like incumbent

Bringing forth the dreams of a fruitful meeting

And the anticipation of heavily enriched knowledge

That travels out of his lips

And attaches to my psyche

Watching his passionate soul

Continue to push through the heartache and pain

Because he’s set on making it to the mountaintop

By trying

And giving life his all

Courage is what he pushes forward

While expelling honesty from his body

And admirably wearing the badge of commitment

On his chest

He knows his past

Lives in his present

While continuously planning for the future

Proud of his heritage

And stays true to heart

He is love!

Act Like a Lady!

Who remembers this poem from my second book, Poetic Outlets?  My facebook friends may also remember this poem from one of my notes a few years ago.  Well, I thought it was only right to bring it back out since the Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man Movie came out.  Enjoy the poem and make sure you go and see the movie.  It is hilarious!

Act Like a Lady

You tell me to...

Walk like a lady

Talk like a lady

Take my legs and cross like a lady

Eat like a lady

Sleep like a lady

Make a poem to be like a lady

But your words have focused on my visual commitments

to exemplify I’m a woman

You tell me to be a woman

but when my emotions and tenderness show I’m a woman

You ignore the very thing that makes my heart bleed

 You ignore my voice of expression

Because my emotions are something you don’t need

You make me feel as though I have exaggerated the feelings I carry deep inside

But maybe you have underestimated the feelings you try to hide

Why can’t you make up your mind?

Because if I don’t show these feelings

Then I’m considered heartless

A useless human being who sits dazed by this world and its

TO BE A WOMAN COMMANDMENTS

 If you knew how to be a woman,

Then why are you still amazed at the acts of women these days?

I can’t put women into a category because women aren’t all the same

I mean

We all are considered women

But we’re not all the same

We don’t dress the same

Speak the same

Enter love or friendships the same

We don’t cook the same

Smell the same

“BETCHA BY GOLLY WOW”

We’re not the same

 So next time you start your proclamation with

“Why do women...”

You may want to rephrase your statement

To “why do women I date, come in contact with, or like

Do these certain things?”

International Urban Book Festival in May

My first question I would like to ask you is, "are attending the International Urban Book Festival in May?"  I hope your answer is yes!  This festival will allow you to network with authors, promote your books, and encourage others.  Last year, I attended a similar event in Michigan.  I was excited because I met other authors, made new contacts, and I had the opportunity to spend time with my niece.  This year, I plan to bring the same excitement with me to Cleveland that I brought to Michigan.  The event will probably feel a little more special than last year because my birthday occurs on Saturday, May 12th.  I would love for you to spend the 12th with me as I take on a new journey, which reads "mile marker 30."  That's right guys!  I'm entering the 30 and over club.  I'm looking forward to new experiences, great conversations, and a new approach to things.  Share this joy with me on the 11th, 12th, and 13th.  

Hope to see you there!

Born to Be Deep

I was born to be deep

On some of my words

These people sleep

Born to take the path

Less traveled

Digesting me whole

Will leave your mind unraveled

You may have to take my words in doses

Because the truth isn’t always honeysuckle and roses

Like En Vogue

You have to “free your mind”

Free the mental anguish

And release the bitterness from within

Your actions have been pleasant

But your thoughts have committed a sin

Your smile provides assurance

But your eyes have never learned to grin

You have to stop focusing on losing

And create a slogan that means to win

I was born

Born of the 12^th day of May

Born to a one-parent home

But I made it anyway

Born with so much against me

That I must say

I was born

Born to be more than a mere uneducated woman

Who lets men walk up and down my spine

Because lack knowledge, did I

I was born from the womb

Mind still attached to the placenta of wisdom

Attracting like souls

And the inability to assume

I

Born in the times of foundation

Born to be me

In other words

I was born to be

Deep

Are We Raising A Culture of Unmotivated Youth?

In working with high school students, I have come across some who are motivated to work hard, while others are not.  These motivated and unmotivated individuals come from many cultures, have various nationalities, and have different educational, financial, and social economical statuses.  This information has made me think hard about the way we raise our children nowadays.  Are we raising a culture of unmotivated youth?

Picture this; there are three individuals that were raised in the same neighborhood; a 16 year old, 17 year old, and an 18 year old.  All of the students attend the same high school.  The 16 year old lives in a single parent home.  Let’s call this young man Elijah.  Elijah has had what some would call a very challenging life.  His mother was once married to someone who abused the whole intermediate family.  Elijah has always tried to stay positive; however he continues to think about his certain misfortunes.  His mother has taught him not to allow his adversities to get the best of him; however it is still a work in progress.  She has also taught him that he should learn how to continue being productive, while learning to deal with positive and negative situations in life.  Elijah is seen as an individual that works well with others, asks questions, and helps those who need it. 

Now, let’s take a look at the 17 year old female who lives with her mother and her mother’s boyfriend.  Let’s call this young lady Lauren.  Lauren’s mother uses illegal drugs, in which she constantly uses in front of her daughter and other chidren.  The 17 year old has no motivation in going to school because it is not a requirement from her mother.  Her mother never graduated from school, so why should she make her daughter do so?  The coursework for Lauren’s junior year is getting extremely hard because she does not have anyone in the household who can help her complete the work.  All Lauren can think about is smoking, having fun, and drinking alcohol.  Lauren is contemplating dropping out of high school and having a baby.  Her mother had her at 17, so she is thinking about doing the same thing because she does not need a diploma to get a job.  Or does she? 

Lastly, let’s look at the 18 year old male who lives with his mother and father.  Let’s call him James.  James comes from a very supportive household.  His mother and father have been very supportive in his life that some may think that they may have overdone it as parents.  James’ mother has continually given him speeches about being independent and learning to do things on his own.  She worked with him to schedule his classes for college; however she missed the most important lesson in helping him.  She completed the tasks for him, which did not allow him to do these tasks on his own.  Now, he relies on his mother to schedule all of his college courses.  James’ father has taught his son how to be positive and win at everything that he did.  What he fails to teach him is that it is ok to lose sometimes and that losing makes you look forward to the win.  In failing to teach his son this important lesson, James’ father has disallowed James from feeling the negative experiences of losing.  This can make or break James in the future.

Most of these examples given above have been slightly altered and may not represent current individuals that I work with.  In thinking about the examples, do you know anyone that would fit into the same situation?  I know you are also probably wondering what can you do to help motivate the youth.  As a child, I remember constantly asking my mother, “how do you spell this word?  What does this word mean?”  My mother would answer some of my questions; however I was often told to look them up in  the dictionary.  What do you think this did to my motivation?  As a child I thought, “why not just tell me what the word mean.”  It was easier and definitely much faster.  Today I say, “thank you mother for motivating me to look these words up.”  In the present-day, when presented with information that I am not quite sure about, I will take it upon myself and look the information up.  One of my previous employers stated that “you are a very diligent young lady who looks into finding the answers to many questions.”  I truly thank my mother, father, and siblings for providing me with a variety of skills that I continue to use today.